Leaving
by Aphrodite876
Summary: Sara is leaving Las Vegas to join the FBI and Grissom just wanted to say goodbye but...


_I don't own anyone in these stories but the ones I make up, so Sara, Grissom, Nick, or anyone else I fancy using is from CBS's CSI. Enjoy. _

_Chapter 1_

"What are you doing here?" Sara finally said after looking over the glum figure in her doorway. His face was unshaven. His clothes and hair were disheveled. In fact he was still in the same outfit that he wore to work yesterday.

"Can I come in?" Grissom's words were quiet and the hint of desperation in his tone didn't go unnoticed. Still a little in shock at his presences, Sara hadn't said anything, nor had she moved to let him in. "Please," he added without the slightest effort to hide his anguish.

While shaking her head to get out of the trance, she took a step back from the door. "Of course, sorry, come in."

Always the investigator, Sara watched as he examined his surroundings. Now she knew why he was here. He needed more proof. Boxes all neatly packed and labeled, voids where her pictures used to be, barren book shelves, he was finally understanding it was true. She was leaving.

Ignoring his pained expression as he turned to face her, she offered him a drink. "No. Sara, I just wanted to say goodbye." He spoke the words confidently enough. It was as if he had practice saying them, but his determination failed to reach his eyes. The moisture she saw beginning to gather there was enough to break her heart… again.

She suddenly had the feeling she should be sitting before he continued. She slowly walked past him and took a seat in her favorite over sized chair. It didn't really match any of her other furniture, but it was comfortable so it didn't matter. She lounged in it, hoping her casual look would put Grissom more at ease. As he made his way to sit on the couch across from her, she rested her calves on the arm rest and crossed her legs at the ankles. "I didn't expect that," she said with a small smile.

"You didn't think I was going to say goodbye?" he had missed her smile and was sitting hunched over. His hands were shoved deeper within his pockets than they were when she answered the door.

_He must really think I think that little of him_. "No," she continued making sure he heard the amusement in her voice. After slightly pursing her lips, she said, "I just assumed you'd stop by with another plant." He smiled a little at that. "After all, we did run through that whole, 'The lab needs you' speech again when I handed in my notice."

His brief smile faded. "I was lucky that even worked the first time," he said with a sigh. Everyone, including Grissom, had thought that she took a vacation just because she was burned out. The severe run of cases she had would push any of them over the edge. After the first few hard cases, Grissom attempted to intentionally give her mild ones, only for her to find a body buried at the scene or even more bodies in a nearby dumpster. Later she ended up working an abuse case that turned into a triple homicide. Even the lawyers needed a vacation after that one.

No one suspected that the friend she went to see in Washington was helping her find a job. Having one of the top solving rates, on the best shift, at the best lab in the country, helped too. It didn't take very long to get called in for an interview. It took even less time to get hired. But his shock to the news took a long time to settle in. He still didn't want to believe it.

"Grissom, you know that I'm not leaving because of you, right?" As she spoke she shifted in her seat to face him better. Taking his hand and now looking him in the eyes, she continued, "My joining the FBI doesn't have anything to do with you… or us," she lied. "I can't stay with the lab anymore because of me; because I need…I need…" The conviction she had at the beginning of her explanation waned and she let the statement fall off. She could see it was doing little to convince him. With her elbow on her knees, she let her head fall into her other hand. _Maybe the right things to say are written somewhere on the floor_, she thought as she gazed at it. Honestly their relationship _was _a big part of her decision to move. Not only did she feel like she was in a rut at work but their 'friendship' only reminded her that they would never have… more. She wanted, no, _needed_ more. If she couldn't have him than she had to leave, otherwise, she'd be hung up on him forever. She needed…

"What do you need Sara?" The anger in his tone broke her thoughts and made her head snap up.

I took her a moment to realize he wasn't angry with her. He was mad at himself for some reason. His indifference to her the past two weeks had hurt her so much that she never thought it was a desperate attempt to hide the way he really felt. Now he was slowly losing the battle against his emotions and they were starting to show through. She didn't know if she could handle an outburst from him, but lying to him wasn't right either. "What I need…" she exhaled slowly to mask her downward glance, "What I really need, you refuse to give me." It was only then that she becomes aware of her own emotions, feeling the tears starting to sneak out. She'd already cried in front of him too many times before and she wasn't going to do it now.

In an attempt to rein in her emotions, Sara quickly stood up and wiped her eyes, refusing to turn around. Arms firmly crossed, she stood with her back to the rest of the room. _How can one man cause me to lose control like this?_ As she was thinking this, his hands came gently down on her shoulders and she could feel his warm breath on the back of her neck. Suddenly her thought took on a new meaning.

He pulled her back against him. Never, in the entire time that she's know him, had he ever held her. His hands began to glide down her arms which made her close her eyes, to marvel at the effect this had on her. He rested his head on her shoulder. She could feel the scuff on his cheeks against her soft neck. Simply the smell of him had always driven her crazy. It's like a drug, messing with her mind and clouding her judgment whenever he'd get too close. With his arms now completely around her, she turned to face him. Tears were beginning to silently roll down his face. He was fighting to keep them at bay. Her hands were now on his chest and she could feel how his rapid heart beat matched hers. But it was no use, "I'm sorry, Grissom."

She was about to pull away when she felt him tighten his grip on her. "But what about what I need, Sara." It sounded like he was about to start sobbing and that is why she gave him a puzzled look. She couldn't even begin to wrap her mind around what he had said, let alone, what it could imply. He must have seen her expression and so continued, "I need _you_," he growled. With that his lips came crashing down on hers.

His lips. _Oh God! _The heat and passion she felt from them completely over powered her. All thoughts and emotions vanished, along with the rest of the room. Grissom's assault on her lips made the rest of the world disappear. Her hands slid up his chest and went into his hair as he pulled her fully against his body. The feeling of his lips and tongue, coupled with the heat from his body, was enough to make her forget to breath. His mouth was so intoxicating. A small moan escaped her as she opened her mouth to him, inviting him back for more. It was answered by a desperate groan of his own, as his hands began to pull at her shirt.

It wasn't until she felt his hand under her shirt, caressing the small of her back that she snapped out of the dream. Abruptly breaking the kiss, she pushed him away. "No, Grissom! Damn it!" _How long have I waited to feel his hands on my bare skin, and now its too late and he…he... I am supposed to be in Washington by Monday! I fought for his attention for years and now that he decides to notice me, I have to push him away. _The irony wasn't lost on her.

Afraid that next time she wouldn't be able to stop herself, she hurried across the room, placing the coffee table between them as a subtle barrier. She continued to pace, as the only movement he made was to turn around and watch her. While rubbing her forehead in a desperate attempt to push her feeling outs, she began to cry. "I can't do this, Grissom. I just can't! I've wanted this for so long but I tried so hard to push past this because I knew you'd never... And then it all just got too hard…You won't let us be together and it's too hard to just work with you… So I thought moving and leaving…" Her frustration was clearly mounting and she was quickly slipping into hysteria. "But…and then…" in defeat she sobbed "What do you want from me?"

Grissom just stood there. With her taste still lingering on his lips, he watched her pace on the other side of the room. After holding her, kissing her, if she left now the void she'd leave behind would consume him for sure. At the sight of her legs giving out and her hard collapse onto the couch, he rushed over to make sure she was alright. With her eyes closed and her face hidden by her hands, he merely watched her shaking profile.

Grissom didn't know what he wanted or expected her to do, because he didn't even know what _he_ was doing. Sara had just snuck off to find another job and only came back to give him her two weeks notice. He thought that they were closer than that. They had become better friends these past few years. At least in his mind they had. It hurt him that she didn't tell him that she was thinking of leaving, so he avoided her as much as possible. He wandered around the lab thinking over the things he'd done the weeks before she took her 'vacation'. He tried to come up with some reason for her wanting to leave, but he came up empty. That only added fuel to the fire. He hated not having the answers. Then, before he knew it, it was Sara's last day at the lab.

It wasn't until he got home that his anger dissipated and he felt his heartbreak. _I'll probably never see her again._ He hadn't spent much time thinking about what it would be like not having her around the lab anymore. He did remember the empty feeling he had going into work while she was on vacation. He missed seeing her face, her smile. He was lost without hearing her voice in the halls. Even after he forced some distance between them, he would still occasional hear her voice. The sweet sound would briefly fill the hollowness in his chest. But when she was gone, the void grew with each passing day. Each day Sara wasn't there. His empty townhouse was too much of a reminder of what his life was going to be like, so he abruptly left. _This must be what Sara is doing. She's tried of coming home to no one and feeling this emptiness. I'm tried of it too._ Walking aimlessly around for hours, he came to a painful realization. The best thing for him to do was to step aside._ If she wants to leave then I need to respect her wishes. But I have to at least say goodbye. _

Then seeing her again, and knowing that this was the last time he'd ever see her was more emotional then he expected. All the nice things he wanted to say, wishing her luck in her new job, it all disappeared when it occurred to him that he's never kissed her. And now, after finally giving into his years of longing, Sara was crying.

He placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. When she didn't pull away, he gently turned her to face him. As he began to pull her towards him, she resisted. But after seeing his only intention was to comfort her, Sara gave in and buried her face in his neck. He wrapped his arms around her and she surrendered to her emotions. Her body shook violently in Grissom's arms as she let go. His own tears staining his face as he tried to focus on her pain. He desperately wanted to comfort her and rid her of the pain he always seemed to cause her.

A long while later, after they both calmed down, Sara loosened her grip from around Grissom. After taking a few steadying breaths she asked, "Why now? You've known how I felt for so long and never did anything." She was no longer frustrated; all she wanted was to understand. When he didn't answer she added, "Grissom, I have to be on a plane in two days. What do you want me to do?"

"I don't know." He pulled his head back slightly so he could look at her. His face was now inches away from her and she could feel his breath mingling with hers. His one hand came up can cradled her face, wiping the tears away with his thumb. She gave him a forced smile. "I don't know what to do Sara. I just couldn't let you leave without at least saying goodbye and then…"

"And then, what?" she inquired.

Staring deeply into her dark brown eyes, he simply stated, "Then after I saw you standing there, I thought about the things I'd never get to do again like, I'd probably never see you again. I'd never talk to you again," he paused and moved forward a little, "And I also thought about the things we'd never get to do, for example, I've never kissed you before." The last few words were emphasized by him lightly brushing his lips against hers.

"There's a lot you've never done," she had meant to say it as a joke, but the words came out in a serious tone. Grissom clearly didn't find the statement any funnier than she did and deepened the kiss. She was too physically and emotionally drained to object anymore. _If I have to leave, I might as well have this memory to savor. I do rationalize too much._ That thought would have made her laugh into Grissom's hungry mouth, but just as she was about to let out a small laugh, his hand slid from her thigh. He slipped it under her shirt and gently let his fingers lead the way up her sensitive side. She was unable to let out a small gasp because her breath was caught in her throat. No longer able to think coherent thoughts she settled for actions, tugging on the front of his shirt, she pulling him on top of her as she tucked her legs under him on the couch. His earlier kisses were passionate, but chaste and tender. They only hinted at his physical desires and her response was the same. But now, she was incapable of holding back. No more barriers, no more holding back, no more excuses. She decided it didn't matter if they only had tonight. She had his attention now and she was going to make him remember this. He would remember her when she was gone.

* * *

Did some cleaning and put all five parts of chapter 1 here on one page.

I'm sorry to everyone who read this when I first published it here. I know I haven't updated in a very long time but life got in the way. Chapter 2 will be up soon.


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